It’s been present within me and I just now got face to face with it.
I’ve certainly had moments in my life where I needed to dig deep and be brave. Today, however, I found myself facing something within me that I knew was there… but had never been up close to.
Looking inside, is where I found this — this latest call to be brave. While I was in session with my coach she said to me, “Be bold here.” It took boldness and it took being brave.
The best way I can describe this, is like this. I was creating neat work and having nice results. I realized that I could do and be better. I could reach for more and then WHAM! I would slam into this block that I could really seriously feel in my mind. I could not see my way around this block. I doubted myself and my abilities.
After speaking with my coach this morning, I realize now that I’ve been creeping up to and against this block and I seriously wanted past this. I didn’t know how and I doubted myself more. Would I have to accept that I was only “so” capable? You can imagine what that triggers, it’s a whole lot.
Coach asked me, “What are we talking about today?” I knew that this was the topic for today. This wall. Immediately I was flooded with emotions. I was moments away from flat-out bawling. What was THAT about? She asked, “What do you want out of this call today?” I hesitated and here’s where Coach stepped in and said, “Be bold here.”
“I want a way through this wall.” In my head I’m thinking, “This wall is far too powerful.”
With my coach at my side I found my face up against the wall, just inches away. A very strong, well constructed, tall cinder block wall that I could not get over, around, or under. Sound was echoing… bouncing away. Although I was up against this wall, I was able to see the wall stretch out forever in both directions. Me on one side – mastery, genius, creativity on the other. This block was stopping me from moving forward from performing okay and into showing up with mastery, skill, and a fully open heart.
In less than 40 minutes I went from, “I have a major mental block,” to describing this massive wall in detail. Coach points out to me, “By the way, this is your wall. Stop building it. You don’t need this wall anymore.” I realized that I’m grown up. That I don’t need to protect the creative, loving energy that is just glowing strong within in me.
“Notice,” Coach said, “Who’s showing up here? I think some of your crew is showing up.” Boy, were they ever. My internal “crew” or “team” includes an interesting cast of characters. We all have these parts of ourselves that sometimes try to take charge or who are running on old programs. Programs that are out of date or no longer useful.
So here they were, proudly up front and center. “Protector” building the wall perfectly. Maybe my internal “Engineer” (Bill) and “Contractor” (Joe) were working together — in collusion here with my Protector (Arthur).
In less than 40 minutes I’m now with my Coach and at least a couple of my internal team members. The Protector was there with a meaningful sword, I began describing what my Internal Leader (or “Captain”) looks like. What happened next amazes me.
“How are you going to get through this wall,” asked Coach.
Now, with my Coach beside me, my Internal Leader present, and the sword now dropped on the ground next to me I have a vision of me in front of the wall — sitting, meditating in the quarter lotus position. My hands relaxed with palms facing upward. Smiling, comfortable and now also floating calmly above the ground — the wall in front of me simply and easily begins to fade away. An opening through. And I’m aware that still on either side the wall extends out forever. In front of me is open.
“Wow, that’s beautiful,” Coach says. That the way through this wall is about meditation and peace.
I notice how much calmer I am. I notice that there’s a strong sense of joy because I can begin to get back in touch with parts of myself that I had been thinking may be long gone.
“So what do you want to work on here? What’s the field work?”
“I think I need to get really familiar with who my team members are, beyond the “Hi, how are ya?” I think I need to make the descriptions larger than the bullet points that I have now.”
In less than 40 minutes, with some truly powerful coaching, this is where I am. Learning more about the parts of me that I’ve got. And at the same time integrating my Internal Leader into “Me.”
The more of this work I do with my clients and the more I work with my Coach, Leaders and Teachers of the Co-Active Model — the more it resonates and reverberates for me. Layers peel back and walls come down. Authenticity isn’t so far away anymore. Fulfillment in life is closer than ever. There’s so much possible.
Find out how Co-Active Coaching can impact your life, offer you different perspectives and discover what is possible for you. Contact Dan today.